I'll Sell My Soul Before I Buy Your Eats

They not only have stopped feeding you on long flights, but they now offer the same, cheap shit for sale. I was offered a plain bagel and some fruit for the low, low price of $8 (U.S.) Listen, you still buy the goddamned food on the ground, so taking it up several thousand feet doesn't make it anything special. It's still a dry piece of bread and a cold banana. I screamed at the flight attendant. I told her I'd never come fly the friendly skies again. I amassed a cadre of angry fellow travelers who felt just as cheated out of their right for cold, unappetizing airplane food.

Then there was fat Benjamin Netanyahu, who had his seat back reclined right in my face the second the plane took off. Professor Stimpy - the smelly, psychopathic math professor sitting next to me - squished me against the wall for the entire flight, not once sharing the arm rest in the four-hour duration of our time in the skies. An entire military academy was sitting behind me - one fellow sharing his backwards philosophies on flight-law particularly loudly while his military wife stared dotingly at the genius she married.

I tell you, if I weren't such a paragon of morality with infinite patience, I would have jumped off mid-flight. Fortunately, I arrived in Seattle with my wits intact and my political philosophy soundly un-molested.

Leaving the airport, I was accosted by a large, orange, heat-emitting orb suspended in the sky. Apparently that's what we call the sun - the center of our galaxy. Some of you may find it ironic that my first encounter with the sun in ages was in a city renowned for its cloudiness and rain. Nevertheless, the forecast for the week looks more promising for Seattle than it does for Lansing. I thank my mother's good genes for this brilliant weather.

I've started reading Haruki Murakami's new book, Kafka on the Shore. It's good, so far. I like the idea of being able to talk to cats.

Anyhow, I've just seen Ocean's Twelve and am now quite tired from my long day of torturous travel. I think I'll turn in for the night.

God Bless.