Friday, March 25, 2005

Shoot them at the matching colors

The word on the street is that if I don't stop "shit-talking" my boss on the blog, it will come back to bite me in the ass. After all, this is the internet and information flows like water... water that isn't dammed or clogged in a drain due to balls of soapy hair stuck in the drain, I suppose. Until now, I have beeb completely unaware of this and never once considered that there was any risk in... well, anything, really. Who knew?

Spent last night up at the family cottage. I wanted to go up there to have a relaxing day during which I could read. I haven't been getting nearly enough reading done lately and it's driving me insane. I suppose it's bordering on obsession when my day is spent figuring out where I'm going to go read. Which is weird because it used to be that reading was something that was done in home, in bed. And now, it's become something public and somewhat social. For me, at least. Although I'd say that my reason for feeling the need to go somewhere and read has more to do with feeling like I have a social life. After all, if you always lock yourself up in your room to read, you look boring. And, shit, it suddenly matters what other people think of me. Like I wanna be the public intellectual or something.

And I'm dirty. It's been several days since I've showered. So I think I'm going to go do that now. Balls.

5 Comments:

At 9:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

mwuhahahahahaha! i have found you!!
when are you going to visit your cousin!?!?

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger The Narrator said...

Time to post again, beeyatch!

And is this Devin leaving a comment here? Nice!

 
At 2:54 PM, Blogger The Narrator said...

You are dangerously close to being delisted from Rocket Fever, young lady.

Can't you at least tell a joke? A funny? A ha-ha? A have-you-heard-the-one?

 
At 10:26 PM, Blogger The Narrator said...

Hey everyone,

Hayley had a great time in North Carolina for our great aunt's 90th birthday party. Northwest Airlines lost her luggage for awhile -- with her new shoes! -- but found and got it to her promptly.

I'm sure she has some great stories about our crazy family, but I wasn't there. I just feel a responsibility to fill you all in on her life if she won't.

 
At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hayley:
Today is Wednesday, and I believe if the sky doesn't fold in on itself (which granted, it is wont to do), we have a hot date tonight involving "drinkies." I could have written this in an email format, but what fun is that? Now everyone can be a part of the "Jesus-based frenzy" (lifted from HST) that is our relationship. So drinkies, huh. Last night I bought two beers. I didn't drink them. It was enough just to buy them and look soundly into the cashier's eyes while he checked my ID and leave without a hitch, having paid quite legitimately my $4.63. I went home and put them in the fridge and read cookbooks until 11:30. How "Matilda", huh. Tonight I want to dress up so wear your favorite Laura Ashley eveningwear; I've got a silk clown suit dappled in Swvaroski crystals all picked out. (Actually, I have a new normal-girl dress and new normal-girl heels and should make use of them before the jig is up.) Your blog is not being well tended to. March 25 is the last time you updated it. That is ridiculous. How are people supposed to live vicariously through your actions if we're stuck in March? Breyers makes a new ice cream flavor which is wittily titled "Peanut Butter Tracks." It features a classic vanilla base shot with endearing and generously-applied peanut butter swirls, and as if that isn't enough, has tiny luscious peanut butter cups buried in it, thus making every creamy bite a delightful surprise. It makes for great 2 AM eats. Added bonus: heavy on the peanut butter, 100% fish free.

Just when you thought I couldn't be more of a jack of all trades, I have written a joke.
Q.) What do aspiring television actors and aspiring airplane hijackers have in common?
A.) They're always trying to shoot a pilot.

Hey, guess what? I have a girl in my German class who is a.) Wiccan and b.) in the Army. Isn't that kind of ironic? I mean - Wicca, the earth, peace, woman power, la dee da, and here this phony barrel of a woman is in the army, clogging the Middle Eastern horizon with the poisonous fumes of war. And, she's Wiccan, and I'm not even Wiccan, and she hasn't read "Mists of Avalon," and I have, which I think makes me more Wiccan than she is, and I'm not even Wiccan.

I got new lip gloss. It's pretty. I also have formed an extremely close bond with the young lady manning the Clinique counter, whose stellar name is Melissa, because she allowed me to return perfume without a receipt, enabling me to get aforementioned lip gloss as well as a giant vat of toner and a mascara. What I believe said "Melissa" senses in me, what with her cosmetics-related hidden third eye spidey-sense thing, is that I have altogether too much time on my hands, prompting me to leave Bible-length comments on friends' blogs and eight consecutive messages on friends' phones out of sheer...whatever. What she doesn't know is that I'm a registered voter. Selah.

 

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